I should be in bed.

So as you can tell from the title of this post, I should be in bed. I have to get up at 6AM tomorrow for a kids' show. However, I just have to take a minute to talk about stupid people. People do stupid things around me all the time. Today, though, there were several incidents that made me go OH MY GOD.

The first incident was at Subway. I had to go in to work at 4PM, so I decided to stop on the way and get a sub instead of making something at home. As I pulled into the parking lot, two other cars also pulled in. One came from the same direction as me, the other was coming towards us. Well, the car in front of me was in the middle of the lane in which cars drive through the lot. She apparently panicked at the oncoming car and decided the best course of action would be to just stop. I don't know if it was a deer in the headlights thing, if she was playing dead, or if she just did not have the coping mechanisms to deal with oncoming traffic, but she just. sat. there. I was able to just pull into a spot, but the other car was stuck. I made my way into the store and got in line. About five minutes later, a woman came in behind me. Not the one who couldn't deal with driving, but the one who was blocked. I don't know what happened to the one who couldn't drive. She may have been sitting in her car crying because driving is hard.

One might think that that was enough stupidity for one trip to Subway. Oh, no. When I got in the store, there was one other person just finishing paying. The clerk came over and took my order and it needed to be microwaved, so while it was heating, she started the other lady's order. Well, this lady wanted several subs, all with special instructions. Instead of finishing my order when it was done in the microwave, she kept at the other order. I had to stand there for about 10 minutes until this woman was satisfied with the meats and cheeses on her sandwiches. When this was finally finished, the woman looked right at me and said, "Are you waiting for something?" I said, "Yes." Between my response and the fact that the clerk had begun to wait on me again, you would think that she could figure out that I was, in fact, getting a sub. In Subway. However, she proceeded to get pissed that I had come between her and the veggies on her subs. Nevermind that I was there first, and had already waited an eternity because of her. I got the veggies and condiments on my sandwich to a chorus of her overly dramatic sighs and foot tapping. Well, Subway Bitch, if you happen to read this, I hate you.

I finally got done and went on my merry way. My day progressed smoothly until about 7:15. We had a show at 8:00, so the house opened at 7:30. Well, the artist decided at 7:15 that he didn't like the lighting that he had been rehearsing in all day. Really, buddy? You've performed countless times, and you had been informed that the lights that were on were going to be the lights on for the show. You couldn't have said something in the 3 hours that I had been sitting there doing nothing? Next time, I'm just going to set you on fire. That should provide ample light for you.

I will win EVERYTHING.

So as some of you may or may not know, I love online sweepstakes. I have 20-25 going at any given time that you can enter every day for whatever time period. I also search for one-time entry ones and do maybe 10-15 of those a week. I have been doing this for about a year now. It started with last year's HGTV Green Home. I started to enter that, then found several sites that have pages upon pages of links to sweepstakes. I used to have many more daily entry ones, but I've toned it down.

The sweepstakes range from houses, to $1,000,000.00, to gift cards from various stores, to power tools, to boats. I don't care if I win a lifetime supply of Maxi pads. At least I'll have won something. I, of course, enter any HGTV home giveaways that are going on. The Dream Home, the Green Home, the Urban Oasis, DIY's Blog Cabin Giveaway.... Even if it's somewhere I totally don't want to live, and I know that the taxes on it will be more than I could ever make in a decade. I have. to. win.

Now I'm sure most people enter these kinds of things thinking, "Well, I'm probably not going to win, but hey, someone has to, so why not give it a shot?" But me? I am thoroughly convinced that I will win every time I submit a new entry. You know how many I have won to date? One. And that wasn't even really a sweepstakes, it was a photo contest. I won a sweet $250 pair of shoes, though!

Every time a sweepstakes ends, I get super excited. I am sure that in the ensuing days, I will get an e-mail or phone call or letter or Ed McMahon at my door (or Ed McMahon's corpse... zombie Ed McMahon?) As the days go by and I do not receive any of these things, I get a little sad. I start coming up with reasons why I didn't win.

"I must not have entered correctly. Did I hit the wrong button? Maybe there was a secret 'submit' button that I overlooked and I hit the big, obvious 'submit' button that was actually a decoy."

"Maybe the fates thought that someone else needed to win more. Like, a homeless guy entered and he won the $50 Target gift card so he could buy a new suit and get a job and start a new life."

"I probably didn't win, because the sweepstakes gods have proclaimed that everyone who enters online sweepstakes is only allowed to win one big thing in their lives and I'm meant to win something much better at some point in the future."

When I come up with the right excuse for not winning, I either kick myself for not finding that secret button, or am content with the fact that a homeless man somewhere is no longer homeless, or I'm going to win a bajillion dollars sometime soon.

The latest HGTV Dream Home giveaway is ending in a couple of days. I am fully prepared to win the house in Stowe, Vermont and move there to live happily in the house I will never be able to afford to keep. I have even researched the area, job searched, and thought about who I will take with me to live in my guest room and help pay the taxes and utilities. When the time comes for them to announce someone else as the winner, I will be inconsolable for about 5 minutes, then feel very happy for the crack-addicted prostitute who is moving to Vermont to turn her life around.


P.S. I know my posts have been a little different from the "I hate everything about myself. I need to change right now. I am full of lies and pipe dreams." that I usually post, but I've been reading Allie Brosh's blog and decided to try a more humorous style. I'll still keep everyone updated on my life and personal progress, but I can be funny, too!

Super Lazy (And Fat) Sunday

So how did you spend your Sunday? Let me take you through my day. Around 2PM, I had to drag myself out of bed to pee. Since I was up, I checked my e-mail and Twitter. After that taxing ordeal, I took a nap for an hour. When I got out of bed again, I decided I had to be productive, so I had some leftovers and watched Arrested Development for a few hours. This obviously was super productive.

At this point, I took a shower and got dressed. It was now around 6PM. I needed a few things from the store, so I headed to Big Lots, Family Dollar, and Bi-Lo. Now, the things that I needed were a new shower curtain liner, some handsoap, and a few grocery items. While I did get (most of) the things on my list, I also got about $20 in junk food. Upon arriving home, I proceeded to eat about half of the junk food. Do you know how much crap $20 buys at Big Lots and the dollar store? Yeah, I ate half of that.

Now that I'm a little nauseous, yet considering eating some more, I'm once again watching Arrested Development. I had planned to make White Chocolate-Raspberry Whoopie Pies to take to work for Valentine's Day tomorrow, but I think I'm far too lazy to bake. I'll make them sometime this week... probably.... I should also do some laundry and my dishes, but I don't think any power on this planet could drag me off this couch right now... unless it's to get some more snacks. Fat beats lazy almost any day.

In other news, I think I'm getting sick. I've been stuffy all day and sneezing a lot lately. Maybe I'll pound some Vitamin C and go to bed early tonight. Especially since I have to be up at 6AM for a show tomorrow. Guh.

Pointless Update? Probably.

So I thought I should update everyone on everything that isn't new in my life. There's not a whole lot to report, but I hate when people never update their blogs. I'm plugging along at my self-betterment. I've been making small changes, trying to develop new and better habits. I was proud of myself in the grocery store today when I put back a bag of chips I had picked up and went for some veggies and hummus instead. I've done yoga a few times, but I need to make a habit of it. I would like to do it in the morning before work, but we all know how much I like to get up in the morning. I would like to still join the rec center, but every time I put the money aside, it somehow disappears. Hmm. :-P Maybe I'll just suck it up and charge it. I've been craving some cardio.

I've been trying to do the 2 new recipes a week thing. I think I've been good about it. If there's a week I don't get the two in, I do even more the next week. This past week alone, I tried Garlic Cheddar Chicken, Peanut Butter Banana Nut Bread, Pumpkin Banana Bread, and Raisin Bran Butter Cookies. I have some apples to use up, too, so I'll probably make something apple-y soon, and I have the stuff to make "Espresso Shot" cookies. So look forward to that, co-workers. :-)

Other than the fitness and cooking/baking, I've been trying to read more. I started Vanity Fair awhile ago, and I'm about to start Emma. I decided to do the Jane Austen Book Club thing (by myself, apparently :-P). February is Emma, March is Mansfield Park, April is Northanger Abbey, May is Pride & Prejudice, June is Sense & Sensibility, and July is Persuasion. If anyone would like to read them too and come over for some baked goods, wine, and Austen discussion, let me know!

Well, I should head to bed. We have a dance company coming in tomorrow with the light plot from hell, so I should be well-rested to deal with this lighting guy. Night!