Hi, my name is Torrey and I have a problem. I suck at taking care of myself. I eat constantly. Take today for example. I started out ok, had a granola bar for breakfast, spaghetti for lunch... then I started to eat everything in sight. I started with a pre-supper peanut butter and jelly... which turned into two peanut butter and jellies. Then came a bowl of cereal and 4 Reese's cups. At which point I should have been more than satisfied, but I decided to go to Arby's. I wasn't even hungry and I had this huge, greasy meal. What the hell? I do this all the time. Sometimes it's not fast food, I just eat all the healthy food that I've bought for a week in one sitting. Still not good.
Now, when I'm exercising regularly and feeling good about myself, I eat more normally and have much more self-control. The problem is, I CANNOT seem to make myself stick to a workout routine. I did the P90 workouts religiously... for about a week and a half. Now I do them maybe twice a week. (Sorry, Josh and Megan. :-P) I'm too stingy to join a gym, and I love running, but until I get back in shape, I don't want to run in public, so I think I'm at an impasse.
I'm sure if I went to a therapist, they would discover some deep emotional or mental reason that I keep sabotaging my weight loss and happiness, but since I can't afford a therapist, and don't really like talking, that probably won't happen any time soon. In the meantime, if anyone wants to move in with me and watch my every move and forbid me to eat when I'm not hungry, please feel free.
Probably connected with this whole situation is my extreme laziness. I've had two days off, and I've done absolutely nothing. I cleaned for, like, 15 minutes this morning, and I ran to Wal-Mart tonight. That's it. In the past 48 hours. My house should be spotless, I should have a tray of some kind of baked goods to take to work tomorrow, I should have exercised at least twice.... But I sat around and watched The O.C. for countless hours instead. I'm even too lazy to call my mom or return my grandmother's letter. (I'll call tomorrow night, Mom, I swear. If not, call me. I should get off at 5.)
If anyone has any suggestions on how to cure my laziness, lack of willpower, and binge eating, please offer them up. (And stuff like 'just make yourself do it' isn't helpful. I've tried that. I fail.) I need a life coach.
P.S. Sorry this is such a bitchy, whine-y post. I'm just angry and frustrated at myself. I'll post something funny and/or optimistic and/or happy soon, I promise. :-P